that i’m here for you… I want you to know it means a lot more than i’m not going anywhere. I mean it in every possible way. I’m here for you, emotionally, physically, and everything in between. I’m here to make the good times great, and I’m here to at least do my best to make the worst times a pinch better. I’m so close that when you’re happy it makes me happy, and when times are bad, I may not feel the same pain you’re going through, but it literally pains me to see you in this way. I don’t care whether we journey to the moon, or sit in silence the presence is enough. I would sleep on your floor, as uncomfortable as it may be, with a genuine smile on my face if it meant I helped relax you even for a moment. I would drop anything, I mean anything, on a moments notice to be there in a time of need and with that I say…

I’m here, for you. 

there are no words left to say, ill give you myself

they are jumbled to say the least, and some of these new thoughts I’m not too fond of. Life hasn’t been the greatest this week, but then again it hasn’t been the worst. I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster and thats not necessarily a bad thing, because if nothing goes wrong then how will we know what feels right? My brain is always running ten times faster than normal, which helps me have a real good way with words, but at the same times sometimes theres so much going on up there I miss the simple things, which can lead to trouble. In everything I do or think I come up with every scenario and every outcome regardless of what I know and believe, and it really screws with me. I really do believe that this gift is a curse, and I would have no problem doing away with it if I could. It effects everything I do from making myself solve problems and figure things out very quickly, coming off as “smart” but at the same time can make me very unsure of an answer I may come up with, and is extremely distracting making it impossible to focus on a task at hand for an extended time. Looking back at something I’ve done/said/solved I can do nothing but wonder, “what the fuck was I thinking” and that’s because at the time I had so many stupid jumbled thoughts I couldn’t make up a definitive solution, even to an easily solved issue or problem. I’d like to think I have a good personality being nice, friendly, outgoing, and willing to lend a hand with no benefit to myself, but really all that is meaningless if I act childish and make myself look stupid even if it is only happens rarely. I am capable of so much, and have so much determination to do well but there is something, something there I just cannot seem to figure out that is holding me back from my full potential. To put this in perspective, I have the brains and the want to be able to do great in school, even the determination… but there is just something mysterious that I’ve been trying to uncover for so long that keeps me from being my full potential. Bottom line is, I’ve got my flaws and I make my mistakes… but I do my best to learn from them and press onward. This is me, this is who I am. Accept me or deny me, and I leave the world with that choice.

All these thoughts are about a million different things in my life, will really make no total sense to anyone but myself, but for some reason typing them on a page and letting people read what I have to say is quite relieving.

On that note, another completely unrelated thought going through my head. I heard this song on the radio today an came to the conclusion this guy stole the thoughts right out of my head because its exactly how I feel and how I would have said it myself.

“Even when the sky comes falling,

Even when the sun don’t shine ,

I got faith in you and I 

So put your pretty little hand in mine 

Even when we’re down to the wire

Even when it’s do or die 

We can do it simple and plain 

cause this is a sure thing”

…and with that I say Goodnight Tumblr.

At our worst, we’re still better than most at their best

some moments in time I feel like I know all your in’s and out’s, but then I realize that truly I know so little. Yet that small fraction is enough to keep me riding on the hope that it will lead to one day when I can not only know everything, but be able to understand you… all of you

and until then I will slowly work my way there, and that I am content with

I have all the right words, there’s just so many things to say that I don’t know where to begin or how to compose them, so ill just go out on a limb and hope it comes out right…

Well ill start off by saying that I couldn’t be happier that you searched high and low to find out who I was, and I know I joke about saying it was creepy but obviously I don’t really think that. Things started off pretty awkward i’m not going to lie, but I felt that there was something there, and I knew it would only get better. Glad I stuck with those feelings because soon enough the thought of you stuck on me, no matter what was going on or what I was up to, you were always in the back on my mind.

The way you were afraid to do so many things around me like eating in front of me or singing along with me in the car, to meeting my family really only came across to me as cute. Really it’s quite ridiculous that somehow no matter what you do or say no matter how nice, mean, cute, weird, awkward, funny, anything, to the way you cover your face because I make you nervous always seem to make me smile. I know we don’t have the same view on everything but at least we can come to an agreement or at least realize and accept our separate stances. 

I know that you have a lot of things going on in your life whether that be from your everyday things to issues at home. and I’m trying my best to not inflict any more stress on your life because the last thing I want is to be an annoyance or something you feel like you have to deal with. I know I tell you i’m sorry about something going on in your life all the time, but to be honest I still feel like I don’t say it enough, because I can’t even fathom how you can go through all this and still come out as sane as you are. But on the bright side, at least it shaped you into the girl I cant seem to resist. I know I have things a lot easier in my life, but I’ve had my share of hard times as well, and as much as I know they are minuscule in comparison to yours, I don’t want you to believe I’m living this perfect life because it’s far from. I have my own set of problems my own set of issues and my bad days too. To be honest if you would have looked at my life a little while before we started seeing each other you might not even recognize me because you’d be seeing a over thinking, stressed out, and unhappy me.

I’ve always heard the cheesy pick up line about getting lost in someones eyes, but for the first time I can see exactly what the writer of that line was seeing. Call me crazy, but the truth is you might make me just that. In every aspect things are simply right, from how proportional we are, to how only after a couple months i’m finishing your lines and calling your moves. 

I know that I still have a lot to learn from you and about you, so here I am, ready and willing. We have rough roads ahead but we’re both strong fighters and know that we can get through anything… together. Wells Fargo couldn’t have said it better when they said, “together we’ll go far” because I know we will do just that.